“I’ll take it. I’ll take His words like a daring covenant, not knowing what’s yet to come: there is no growth without change, no change without surrender, no surrender without wound, no abundance without breaking. Wounds are what open the soul to plant seeds of deeper growth.” -The Broken Way
My story really starts in August of 2016. As a senior in high school & vigorous overachiever, I was living a very busy, full life. I was managing six scholastic subjects, studying for the SATs, volunteering at a non-profit, preparing for the upcoming speech & debate season, working out 4+ times a week, preparing to go on my very first missions trip in the fall, & babysitting on the side. Oh, not to mention attempting to keep up with a social life. You see, I had a non-negotiable life plan & schedule. I would graduate high school with the fullest resume possible, go away to the college of my choice, start dating, graduate, get married, begin my nursing career, have some kids, etc. You get the picture.
But, life threw a wrench in my “rock solid” plan. Actually, to be more accurate, that’s when God stepped in & said, “but here’s Mine.”
Suddenly, I began to experience peculiar symptoms. I was extremely thirsty, & consuming excessive amounts of water, to boot! Between 100-130 ounces a day, to be precise. I was frequently nauseated, & lost an appeal for basically all food. Disclaimer: I have always had a great love for food, so this was particularly strange behavior. I mean, this is coming from the person who ate an entire pizza with her best friend AFTER eating a full dinner….for a snack. So, my family & friends knew something was up! 😛
Like any great parent, my Mom promptly booked me an appointment with my doctor to get things checked out. After a consultation & extensive bloodwork panel, I was given a speech about how stress affects the body, a reminder of the high stress linked to senior year, & told there wasn’t anything visibly wrong with me.
I promptly plunged back into my life schedule with relief. Thank goodness! Nothing was going to interfere with my perfectly organized agenda!
But little did I know, my journey was only just beginning.
Wow. If I’m being absolutely real here, I look back at where I was physically, emotionally, & spiritually a year ago & thank God that He changed my heart & my plan. To be even more shamefully honest, I thought I had everything perfectly together. I was painfully comfortable in my Christian walk. Yes, I was doing my devotions & praying, but I wasn’t dependent on God. I was dependent on myself. My plan. My day. My schedule. My to-do list. Me, me, me. I thought I could handle life on my own without Him. I thought it would be just peachy. I cringe when I look back on 17-year-old me. Oh, how wrong that mentality was.
But isn’t that usually how it usually goes though? We settle into a comfortable routine, think everything is adequate, and expect Jesus to follow us.
I plan on having a blog post specifically dedicated to this dangerous mentality, but for now I’ll just say this: “God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come through.” -Francis Chan
As I’ll expound in greater detail later on, God had other plans. He brought me out of my comfortable bubble to renew my faith. Did I cooperate immediately? Nope. Was it easy? Absolutely not! Did I fight Him? You know it. Were the plans anything like my own? Hahaha, no way! Is He done yet? Nope! But….did it renew my love for Him? Affirmative. Has He been with me every step of the way? Yep! Has it been worth it? Absolutely!
You see, in that moment, one year ago, God loved me too much to leave me the way I was. & I am so glad He did.
To be continued…..